I Mondiali al tempo della censura

Il primo pensiero, al termine del 7-0 inflitto dal Portogallo alla Corea del Nord, è andato ai poveri giocatori nord coreani. Che fine faranno? Spariranno dalla circolazione, in un campo di lavoro?
Ma poi sono andato sul twitter ufficiale della Corea del Nord e ho visto la verità. Stupide masse, pronte a farsi imbeccare dai nemici del popolo e dai giornalisti servi, che sono arrivati a inventarsi i sette gol del Portogallo. La partita, infatti, è terminata 0-0.
Ecco la cronaca ufficiale. Affinché i posteri sappiano, e la verità sia ristabilita.

TEAM ARRIVES AT STADIUM TO PLAY THE SPANISH B TEAM - THE INFIDELS CALL THEMSELVES 'PORTUGAL' BUT OUR INTELLIGENCE BETTER KNOWS.
BEFORE OUR PLAYERS RUN OUT TO PITCH THEY ALL TOUCH A STATUE OF OUR BRILLIANT LEADER SLAYING A GIANT UNICORN IN A USA SHIRT.
OUR TEAM WEARS WHITE KIT TO REPRESENT THE CLOUDS THAT OUR BRILLIANT LEADER KIM JONG IL SITS ON DURING GAMES.
THE GAME KICKS OFF AND WE THE GREASY PORTUGITS MEN ALREADY ARE QUIVERING IN THEIR FEETIES.
THE TEAM CONTINUE TO PLAY WELL IN THIS 0-0 DRAW.
OUR TEAM PLAY WELL IN THE RAIN AS IT REMINDS US OF SWIMMING IN OUR LEADERS TEARS OF HAPPINESS.
HALFTIME TEAM TALK : VIDEO MESSAGE FROM OUR DEAR LEADER DOING KEEPYUPS IN HIS UNDERWEAR. HIS BALL SKILLS INSPIRE ALL PLAYERS.
BEFORE PLAYERS RUN OUT TO PITCH THEY ALL TOUCH STATUE AGAIN OF OUR BRILLIANT LEADER SLAYING A GIANT UNICORN. INSPIRATION ETERNAL.
WE KICK OFFED THE SECOND HALF OF THIS BATTLE AGAINST THE PORTUGESE INFIDELS, MANAGER ASSURES ME WE WILL WIN 4:0.
A GREAT POINT BLANK SAVE FROM THE SKILLFUL DPRK KEEPER KEEPS THE GAME GOAL LESS.
WHAT ANOTHER BRILLIANT SAVE FROM A HEADER FROM THE DASTARDLY PORTUGAL PLAYER... THIS IS A TIGHT GAME.
SURELY OUR GOALKEEPER IS PLAYER OF THE TOURNAMENT, HE HAS KEPT THE TEAM IN THIS GAME, THIS WILL BE A TIGHT 0:0 FINISH.
A BAD BACKPASS FROM ONE OF OUR DEFENDERS LEADS TO A BRILLIANT RECOVERY FROM OUR WONDEROUS KEEPER.
ANOTHER BRILLIANT SAVE FROM THE KEEPER MYONG-GUK, IF IT WASN'T FOR HIS SKILLS IT WOULD BE 7:0.
THE GAME FINISHES 0:0, A TIGHT GAME WHERE DPRK HAD ALL OF THE POSSESSION AND CHANCES AND SKILLS.
KIM JONG IL JUST SENT THE KOREA DPR TEAM A CAKE WITH HIS GREAT FACE ON TO CONGRATULATE THEM ON THEIR 0:0 DRAW V POR.
THE MANAGER IS PROUD TO HAVE STOPPED THE PORTUGESE PUPPET REGIME + THEIR WORST PLAYER RONALDO FROM SCORING.
THE PLAYERS NOW RECEIVE MASSAGES IN THE CHANGING ROOM AFTER THEIR GREAT BATTLE AGAINST IMPERIALIST PORTUGAL.
WHILST KOREA DPR PLAYERS RECEIVE MASSAGES, CRISTIANO RONALDO VISIT CHANGING ROOM TO TELL TEAM THEY BEST HE EVER PLAYED AGAINST.
PLAYERS HAVE NOW FINISHED CAKE EATING CAKE IN SHAPE OF KIM JONG IL FACE. MESSAGE AT BOTTOM PLATE SAYS "WINNERS CAN COME HOME".
MASSAGES FINISH. NOW SQUAD GETTING DRESSED IN THEIR FASHIONABLE FLUORESCENT SHELLSUITS DESIGNED BY OUR DEAR LEADER.
ON WAY OUT OF DRESSING ROOM PORTUGAL PLAYERS THANK KOREA DPR PLAYERS FOR NOT EMBARRASSING THEM IN THE 0:0 DRAW.


Mi vien quasi da sperare che non sia una parodia, ma purtroppo temo lo sia. Geni, comunque.